Tag Archives: stream of consciousness

Day 36: in which I get all crankypants.

I don’t know what the eff to write about today.

And it’s annoying me. This project is starting to make me feel resentment. Maybe because it’s every day, maybe because I’ve pigeonholed myself into a God-centered blog, maybe because I just don’t have enough interesting thoughts on a given day to crank out a meaningful post. I don’t know. Either way, I’m not feelin’ it.

I have a lot more things I want to write about. I want to write about why my vegan diet is grounded in my Christian beliefs. I want to write about running, my running tips, the races I’ve done. I want to write about going vegan and tips for eating a vegan diet and recipes for vegans. I want to write about social justice issues. I want to write about all these things but I’ve almost scared myself out of it.

Because the internet is full of people who are really, really mean. The ladies at TheFrisky.com sometimes post pictures of their outfits, and people actually post comments trashing their bodies. Seriously. Trashing their bodies, telling them they’re fat, ugly, out of shape, all this crap that is so unbelievably rude and hurtful.

And it doesn’t stop there. Christians bash each other for not being Christian enough or not following the bible correctly. Vegans bash each other for little slip-ups like not knowing the sugar they buy uses charred animal bone in the refining process. Women bash each other for being fat, men bash each other for being skinny, parents bash each other for raising their children wrong, kids bash each other for listening (or not listening) to their parents. When we’re hiding behind our screens, we can’t leave each other the hell alone. We’re MEAN.

And it’s terrifying! What if a Christian tears into me for supporting gay marriage and thinking the Westboro Baptist church is hurtful and cruel? What if a vegan shoots me down for occasionally drinking beer made with honey? What if a runner tells me I’m an idiot for preferring minimalist shoes? Do I just trust that God will give me strength and discernment in dealing with said folks? What does it mean to rely on him when a good majority of blog-hoppers don’t even believe he exists?

But then there’s the joy of being connected to other vegans, other runners, other Christians. Not everyone is so buoyed by the anonymity of the internet that they feel free to unleash their personal furies on everyone that pops up on their Google search. Are the thoughtful, considerate folks worth the threat of the hurtful ones? Is every enjoyable, thought-provoking conversation worth every person who starts a petty argument with no thought of considering the other person’s side?

I sure as hell haven’t figured out the answers to any of these questions. But here I am, once again, with a whole post when I started in confusion. Once the challenge is over, I can take more time to write my posts and edit them for thoughtfulness. I can open up my target audience with more topics. I can start building more pages for archives or specific subjects. But for now, I’m just bangin’ out words, scared of pissing someone off.

And sometimes having no idea how to conclude. So… yeah, bye.

Day 20: my thoughts on this book

Today is the first day of assigned reading from this book I wrote about the other day. It’s a “soul fast” over forty days. Except it’s actually 56 days: eight weeks with the weekends off for… soul gorging? Soul gluttony? I don’t know.

Anyway. I left the computer open while I read and recorded my thoughts. Here they are. Enjoy.

The book says this is my first day of my “journey to a more authentic life.” Authentic by whose definition? Mine? God’s? The author’s so I buy more of her stuff? And is that her real hair?

Stop being so cynical, Maggie.

First step is self-awareness. That’s actually good. Very zen. I admire that and am working on cultivating that.

Grammatical error. Strike one.

On to the action steps! This looks promising!

First “action step” is a declarative sentence with a question mark at the end. Strike two.

I’m supposed to describe “outstanding” characteristics about myself. Do I have to think big picture, like, “I love animals so much that I eat a vegan diet and voluntarily scrub out kitty litterboxes on Saturday morning”? Or can it be, “I make really good cookies”? Does God appreciate little things like cookie mastery? I’ve always wondered.

“How have you capitalized on those [outstanding characteristics] and harnessed the inherent power of you?” What the hell does that even mean? Like, okay, I know what the words mean, but what is she saying? Do you see why that video made me so mad?!

She wants me to listen to what God is saying to me. Can I get some instruction on listening to God? I still suck at that. Majorly suck. Please, just give me a little how-to. That would be a great action step. One I desperately need.

Wait a second, this is the first time this chapter has mentioned God other than the little epitaph bible verse on the top of the first page! Isn’t this supposed to be God-centered? Where’s God in this? Why is it all about me me me?

Maybe if she mentioned God more I would be reminded to not be so cynical about this book.

…no, I can’t blame her. My attitude is my problem, not hers. Sigh.

Hey! Look! Self awareness!

I’m really hoping I can have a good attitude about this book (or at least keep my attitude in check). I need to get over the empty chatter factor, I think. My love for clear, no-BS God-talk is getting in the way of my appreciating this book. There are some good things in here, I think… just gotta dig to find them.

Which is a disgustingly accurate metaphor for life, am I right?