I don’t know what the eff to write about today.
And it’s annoying me. This project is starting to make me feel resentment. Maybe because it’s every day, maybe because I’ve pigeonholed myself into a God-centered blog, maybe because I just don’t have enough interesting thoughts on a given day to crank out a meaningful post. I don’t know. Either way, I’m not feelin’ it.
I have a lot more things I want to write about. I want to write about why my vegan diet is grounded in my Christian beliefs. I want to write about running, my running tips, the races I’ve done. I want to write about going vegan and tips for eating a vegan diet and recipes for vegans. I want to write about social justice issues. I want to write about all these things but I’ve almost scared myself out of it.
Because the internet is full of people who are really, really mean. The ladies at TheFrisky.com sometimes post pictures of their outfits, and people actually post comments trashing their bodies. Seriously. Trashing their bodies, telling them they’re fat, ugly, out of shape, all this crap that is so unbelievably rude and hurtful.
And it doesn’t stop there. Christians bash each other for not being Christian enough or not following the bible correctly. Vegans bash each other for little slip-ups like not knowing the sugar they buy uses charred animal bone in the refining process. Women bash each other for being fat, men bash each other for being skinny, parents bash each other for raising their children wrong, kids bash each other for listening (or not listening) to their parents. When we’re hiding behind our screens, we can’t leave each other the hell alone. We’re MEAN.
And it’s terrifying! What if a Christian tears into me for supporting gay marriage and thinking the Westboro Baptist church is hurtful and cruel? What if a vegan shoots me down for occasionally drinking beer made with honey? What if a runner tells me I’m an idiot for preferring minimalist shoes? Do I just trust that God will give me strength and discernment in dealing with said folks? What does it mean to rely on him when a good majority of blog-hoppers don’t even believe he exists?
But then there’s the joy of being connected to other vegans, other runners, other Christians. Not everyone is so buoyed by the anonymity of the internet that they feel free to unleash their personal furies on everyone that pops up on their Google search. Are the thoughtful, considerate folks worth the threat of the hurtful ones? Is every enjoyable, thought-provoking conversation worth every person who starts a petty argument with no thought of considering the other person’s side?
I sure as hell haven’t figured out the answers to any of these questions. But here I am, once again, with a whole post when I started in confusion. Once the challenge is over, I can take more time to write my posts and edit them for thoughtfulness. I can open up my target audience with more topics. I can start building more pages for archives or specific subjects. But for now, I’m just bangin’ out words, scared of pissing someone off.
And sometimes having no idea how to conclude. So… yeah, bye.